Angelina Jolie is Dragnificent

Disney, 2014

Disney, 2014

Maleficent? More like Dragnificent. Seriously. In 3D, the film is like Mommie Dearest on LSD with a slightly happier ending. If you're looking to pay $14 to see a 90-minute drag show that doesn't include booze or d*ck jokes, this film is for you!

Angelina Jolie looks stunning as Maleficent and does her best Alexis Carrington impersonation while in costume. She even has the contoured cheekbones to match, which are higher than a Willie Nelson tribute act.

Now, it's been years since I've seen a Disney film, but after being bombarded with promotional posters for Maleficent over the last month, I was dying to check this one out. Angelina is a natural bad girl, so I figured this role would suit her perfectly. And it does in theory.

The film looks quite familiar at first glance, but this revision seems rather forced and appears as a confused collection of action sequences that never seem to form into a compelling story. The weak script is filled with cliches and most of the characters are never fully-realized. 

It appears that the idea for Maleficent was most likely conceived by a marketing department looking to turn an existing property into a money-making machine. I can't say much more about the film, because it really was that forgettable.

It is, however, nice to see Angelina back on the big screen. She is an incredible actress and an inspirational philanthropist - I have the utmost respect for her. It's just unfortunate that she wasn't able to make Maleficent a performance worth remembering.

Have you seen Maleficent yet? What did you think?