Real Talk: Relationships & Ego


Let's face it: in any relationship that doesn't work out, one person is never entirely to blame.

In my years of playing the dating game, I've come to realize that I am extremely picky when it comes to picking my boyfriends. For years, my single-hood has been a topic of conversation amongst my friends. Some say that my uncompromising values and independence show strength, while others argue that maybe that independent spirit is a point of weakness and I just need to settle and realize that nobody is perfect.

I agree with both. I can honestly say that I'm in a place full of so much self-love that I don't need a man to make me feel complete. All the single ladies put yo' hands up!

Understanding that a good relationship isn't always sunshine and rainbows is key. But you also need to realize what will make YOU happy. For me, I need an equal in terms of intellect and ambition. Tall, dark and handsome is a huge plus... but I'm not willing to compromise on a relationship where the values don't line up. I've made the mistake of falling for pretty faces over personality enough times to have finally learned my lesson. My ego always held me back from letting people in.

"The only way that I can accept someone’s finding me wonderful is if I find myself wonderful.  But to the ego, self-acceptance is death.  This is why we’re attracted to people who don’t want us… the reason we’re not attracted to them is because we’re not available ourselves." - Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love

For most of us, there's a root cause as to why we stay single or in toxic relationships. We're usually afraid of honestly communicating with other people. We're scared others will leave us when they learn who we really are, which is a really sneaky trick of the ego. Sex and physical attraction only take you so far... and as the sparkle of a new relationship wears off, good communication becomes essential. 

Based on my life experience, here's the T. You've got to do three things if you want to be in a fulfilling relationship:

  1. Stop looking for perfection.
  2. Recognize your own faults and don't hold your partner's faults against them.
  3. Don't take yourself so seriously. 

Who knows when I'll meet Mr. Right. I'm in no rush. I'm not at a point in my life where I'm ready to settle with a serious boyfriend. I feel totally fulfilled being in a relationship with myself, and that's not something many people can say.

Take a page from Whitney Houston and give yourself the "Greatest Love of All" the next time you feel like bitching about your singlehood.